Stupid people

I hate people. Okay, not really, but have you ever had a morning where everyone around you just drives you mad? I confess that my own disposition has a lot to do with this, since I am Type-A to a fault. I walk faster than everyone else, I walk on the escalators (so does everyone else here), and I don’t like to wait. So this morning was basically a Type-A nightmare. It started out alright. My walk to the Metro was pleasant; we’ve been treated with unseasonably nice weather this weekend. The streets were very busy, as were the sidewalks, but it was a pleasant little stroll. Then some sort of signal was made, and every stupid person in the District of Columbia started to get in my way. And there are a lot of stupid people here.

The trains were late out of Foggy Bottom, and when the Orange line did come, it was packed. It is an unwritten but clearly understood rule that you stand to the side of the doors so that the people on the train may exit before the people on the platform may enter. And most people did this, except for this one guy that parked square in the middle of the flow of people moving off the train, thereby slowing this progress to a crawl. If looks could kill I would have burned him to ashes with my eyes, but fortunately for the stupid population of the U.S., I do not have any X-Men-like lazor-vision. So after standing there like a big dumb roadblock and earning the ire of myself and everyone around me, this guy gets on the train and then the doors start to close because it’s taken so long for the people to get off. So someone holds the doors and we all cram onto the train in a hurry while Mr. Roadblock stands just inside the door and blocks our entry. I was not a little satisfied when someone not so politely pushed him out of the way.

At my transfer in Metro Station I managed to get behind every overweight or slow-walking person in the whole station. They talked with friends, they swung around and kept me from moving past them, and they stood on the left side of the escalators. Yes, you read that right. They committed the Unpardonable Sin. Everyone (except tourists) knows that the right side of the escalators is for standing and the left side is for walking, so people in a hurry can catch their train and people not in a hurry can park their fat carcasses on the right side and spare the rest of us the agony of their presence. Fortunately, I didn’t miss my train because of these inconsiderate cows, but it should have served as a warning that all stupid people within a 10-mile radius were being drawn to me.

But my run-in with dumb people at Union Station took the cake. There are two escalators at Union Station, and one of them has been out of commission for repairs for a week or two. This is probably due to stupid people as well, although I cannot prove the connection. So a large amount of people are forced to walk up and down one escalator like it was a set of narrow stairs. There are escalators and elevators inside the station for people who have trouble with stairs, but the stopped escalator is still much quicker for me to get to work. Except today. There was a line just to get onto the escalator because a guy with a bum leg was inching his way up, step by step. Why he got on that escalator when the working ones are within sight, I don’t know. But there I was, already late to work, waiting for the cattle in front of me to get moving up the ramp. Finally the guy got off the escalator, and by this time I had actually got on it. But by that point people’s IQ’s around me were plummeting, and everyone on the escalator continued to climb at the pace previously set by Mr. Bum Leg. This process was also facilitated by people getting off the escalator and standing there looking around, conveniently blocking everyone else trying to get off the escalator. I just wanted to scream, “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WILL YOU PEOPLE MOVE?” Actually, I wanted to scream something other than that, but it goes against my principles. I did, however, want a momentary exemption from my usual abstinence from profanity. I really do not think it is too much to ask to expect people around me to have already mastered the art of upright locomotion and basic cognitive skills that most primates can handle. But apparently my expectations are far too high.

Oh, good heavens, I just had a scary thought. These people are eligible to VOTE . . .