That's a hazard

I get distracted easily when I sit down to write an entry. Frequently I’ll launch into an intro for the topic I’m thinking about and seven paragraphs later I realize that I’m not going to get to the original topic. I sat down several times to write about smoking but I got delightedly sidetracked on some other tangent that turned out to be more entertaining at the time than a diatribe on tobacco. This morning as I came out of the Metro I was thinking that I should write about smoking before I leave DC, because just being in this city makes me glad I don’t smoke. As I walked in front of Union Station, thinking about what I could write about smoking, the woman in front of me exhaled a big cloud of noxious fumes that was carried by the wind right into my face. Since anger (or at least annoyance) is a great motivator, I’m writing my spiel today.

Years and years ago my Boy Scout troop went on a boat trip for a few days. The scoutmaster knew someone who had a boat, and they were foolish enough to lend it to a Boy Scout troop for a long weekend. Needless to say, the trip was extremely fun. One of the most memorable moments of the trip was when the boat was pulling into a marina. As the boat passed another boat, all the Scouts attentions were caught by a scantily clad chick lounging out on the deck of the other boat. As they all watched, mesmerized, she casually pulled out a cigarette and lit it. One of the more obnoxious guys hung over the edge of the boat and leered at her, “Hey babeeeee! That’s attractive!” The scoutmaster hastily steered the boat away before her big bruiser boyfriend could pulverize the mouthy kid.

Although I don’t agree with the delivery, his sentiment is truly shared: smoking is quite possibly the most disgusting habit ever invented. I realized that there are plenty of filthy habits, but smoking is a serious contender for King of Gross. I can kind of see why other vices might be attractive to people. Gambling has a certain thrill to it; drinking looks like a lot of fun at first; drugs can give you a great buzz for a few minutes; sex seems fun and harmless. As long as you don’t look at the long-term consequences (like losing your money, hangovers and drunk driving accidents, overdoses, STD’s and unwanted pregnancies) those things could appear attractive. But smoking? Your body doesn’t even let you do it at first—every first-time smoker coughs and gags. And where’s the pay-off? You never really feel good when you smoke; the most it can offer is bringing you closer to normal if you’re an addicted smoker. Watching my smoking co-workers huddle together in the cold in the designated smoking areas outside does not make me want to take up the habit.

I understand why some people took up smoking years ago. I’m glad we had modern revelation that gave us a clue about the health hazards a hundred years in advance, but back when the dangers of smoking weren’t known I understand how people would start up. The tobacco companies, knowing full well that their products were hazardous, tried very hard to make smoking look cool while they upped the nicotine content. They successfully hooked a whole generation on cigarettes. But when the plain facts started making it obvious that sucking on cancer sticks is going to chop short your life (and make what life you do have miserable), then you’d think that people would wise up. But no, no they don’t. Of all vices, it is the one I am least likely to start. I think I’d be more likely to pick up a hobby of hitting myself in the head with a hammer.

In middle school there was a bunch of kids that would walk a block from school so they were just out of sight of the school and they would smoke on the corner. Without exception they were the dregs of junior high society. In some ways smoking is like a penalty for being stupid. Just like the lottery is a tax on people who can’t do math. Have you ever seen how much money a chain smoker spends on cigarettes every year? These people could be taking fabulous European vacations with the money they spend on cigarettes! I don’t know about you, but the French Riviera sounds a lot nicer to me than the back of the building in 20-degree weather.

A lot of people smoke in DC, just like most other places in the U.S. (The Utah Valley is somewhat abnormal in this light.) Recent statistics show that in Kentucky the majority of the adult population smokes (51%). These people are going to be sucking away my taxes through Social Security and medical costs over the next several decades. You would think they would have to ask my permission first, but they weren’t so polite. What’s more, the federal government actually subsidizes tobacco production in many states. (The Republicans just shoved a nice tobacco-friendly bill through right before the election, thus ensuring the presidential vote of North Carolina and West Virginia. Stupid Republicans.) I’ve told myself that if I ever get in a position to take on these tobacco subsidies, I will. Who knows, maybe in 20 or 30 years I’ll help fix the stupid mess. But for now I’ll just continue to breath second-hand smoke every time I enter a building and gripe about it on my blog.