The Reverend and the cartoon character

First Tinky-Winky, now Spongebob Squarepants. Every once in a while one of America’s conservative loose cannons decides that the Left hasn’t had enough easy ammunition to throw and lobs ‘em a nice slow pitch. Back in the late 90’s when Jerry Falwell proclaimed the Teletubby Tinky Winky to be a flamer, it provided lesbians across America with a new symbol and late-night talk show hosts with almost more jokes than Monica Lewinski. I thought Falwell was a fool for saying it, but I couldn’t help agree with him—the purple teletubby with a purple triangle on his head and a purse sure did look like a fruit. In fact, the whole show was the most absurd piece of rubbish to emerge from the UK since Ringo’s Starrs, and for several years gave Americans something to mock Britain for other than its food. It was really first-rate crap, and I was glad to see it go. However, its demise in America at least was probably postponed by the Reverend Falwell’s comments, which was quite tragic.

The latest target, of course, is Spongebob Squarepants, a character as unlikely as his name. I’ve seen portions of the show, and I definitely agree that it’s a queer show, but not necessarily in the gay sense. It’s pretty bizarre though, and I’m more inclined to believe that poor programming is more at fault than homosexual ulterior motives. I can’t stand kids programming right now. Crap like Ed, Edd, and Eddy and Spongebob is truly weird. Even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles looks commonplace compared to that trash, and that really wasn’t that great of a show. Even the classics, like Sesame Street, have largely been taken over by the likes of Elmo and other nonsensical creatures. I’m waiting for the Far Right to start attacking the morons who make up these shows, and then I’ll throw in my support. Bring back Bugs Bunny and Co. and get rid of almost everything on Nickelodeon right now. What? What’s that, Mr. Falwell? You think Bugs Bunny encourages alternative lifestyles by dressing up as Granny to fool Yosemite Sam? Awe, crap. Ain’t nothing safe anymore.