Soap Box in spring

The weather has been getting warmer, and people are emerging from their enforced hibernation. Everyone is out on the lawn, playing Frisbee or participating in what could only be described as co-ed lawn wrestling. (I may blog more on PDA later; it merits a lot of griping.) Also out for spring is the Soap Box, the venerable institution that is BYUSA’s surrogate for free speech. Last week as I walked by there was a girl up there on the microphone complaining how Soap Box was lame and uncreative and blah blah blah. . . Basically, she was guilty of everything she was complaining about. I mentally assigned her the title of “Moron and Doesn’t Know It.” Then I started thinking about my freshman year, when I actually listened to Soap Box sometimes, and thought of a great story.

The best part about this story is that Mynamyn was there, and I think Duchess might have even been there too, although I don’t remember exactly. It was the last day of Soap Box, and they were trying to keep it going as long as possible. A short, hairy fellow was yapping every other turn, and the hecklers in the back (who were faithful, if overly-opinionated, listeners) were giving him an especially hard time. A freshman from DT got up and explained that he had lost a bet with his roommate, and that as a consequence he had to shave his legs and show them in public, so he showed his naked calves and everyone clapped appreciatively. Then the little hairy fellow got up again and talked about something else, and the big heckler in the back was completely mocking him. So the little guy said, “Hey, if you think you’re so cool, why don’t you come up here and say something?” The heckler laughed and refused, so the little guy said, “If you come up here and say something, I’ll. . . I’ll. . . I’ll shave my legs. The crowd (which had grown to a considerable size by this point) cheered, and after a moment’s thought the big heckler strolled up to the front, got on the Soap Box, and pleasantly thanked everyone for their comments, which made for very enjoyable heckling.

Meanwhile, the little dude was trying to escape, but the crowd blocked him in. Someone passed a hat around for money to go buy a razor, and after they had enough they ran to the Bookstore and returned quickly with a Lady Bic. Mynamyn offered her water bottle, and they sat the unhappy hairy guy down on the Soap Box and shaved his legs right there. The poor fellow had very thick leg hair, and I think they cut him a couple of times, but that’s the price you pay for making rash promises.

So no wonder I don’t like listening to the Soap Box anymore—how could you beat something like that?